Hi friends,
Here I have blogged some of the "JOKES" which really make you to burst out. So, be ready to fill your environment with laughing gas. I have collected too many jokes from net and many books. It is indirectly tells all of you that i had research on "JOKES". And hope everyone here enjoys my collection and shares these jokes to many. Praying god for my "JOKES MISSION" to get successful .
This time i am posting only some jokes. So, my dear friends write your precious comments for work done by me and do not forget to give your valuable suggestions to my work after checking out jokes (my blog)..............
First of all start with the universal code
for jokes --> "Hahahahaaaa..."
Extraordinary Interview :
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of good.
Person : Bad.
Interviewer : Come.
Person : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Person :Pichlli.
Interviewer : U G L Y?
Person :PICHLLY !!!!
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Person :Keep Talking.
Interviewer : Get Out.
Person : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Person :Oh your Devil.
Interviewer : You are Rejected.
Person :I am Selected.
Watch less TV :
While visiting Santa's house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model . Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.
Santa replied, "Oh, I have decided to watch less Tv."
No deposit, no return :
Recently I was so embarrassed at my wedding, at the rehearsal, the minister told my father, 'As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.' My father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed my hand on my new husband's arm and said, 'No deposit, no return.'
Never marry a s/w engineer :
Just have a look at this conversation and then decide Yourself.
Husband:hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife:would you like to have some snacks?
Husband:hard disk full.
Wife:have you brought the saree.
Husband:Bad command or file name.
Wife:but I told you about it in morning
Husband:erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife:hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband:ile in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife:at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband:sharing violation, access denied.
Wife:i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband:data type mismatch.
Wife:you are useless.
Husband:by default.
Wife:who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband:system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife:what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband:the only user with write permission.
Wife:what is my value in your life?
Husband:unknown virus detected.
Wife:do you love me or your computer?
Husband:Too many parameters.
Wife:i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband:program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife:I will leave you forever.
Husband:close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife:it is worthless talking to you.
Husband:shut down the computer.
Wife:I am going
Husband:Its now safe to turn off your
Classroom jokes:
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
Teacher: What was Camelot?
Pupil: A place where people parked their camels!
Teacher: Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Pupil: Must have been a duck family
Teacher: A duck family?
Pupil: Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
Johnny:Who, me?
Teacher:Very good!
Doctor jokes:
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses.
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen,
what should I do?
Use a pencil ?till I get there.
Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
Gifts for the teacher :
On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift.
She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!" "Just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"
"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son.
The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied.
The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?"
The boy replied, "A puppy!"
Thumb impression :
Son: "Daddy, why did you put your thumb impression on my progress report instead of your signature?"
Father: "I don't want your teacher to think that anyone with your marks could possibly have a father who can read or write."
Teacher: Tum school kyun aate ho?
Student: Vidya ke liye sir!
Teacher: Phir tum class mein soo kyun rahe ho?
Student: Aaj Vidya nahi aayi hai isliye sir!!!
Dead body cycling to school….
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher: Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.
Water :
Teacher : What is the chemical formula for water?
Pappu : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
Teacher : What are you talking about?
Pappu : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
Its all about “I” :
Teacher : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Pappu : I is...
Teacher : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
Pappu : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Great coincidence
Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
Pappu : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
Axe in George’s hand :
Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Pappu : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
Mummy :
Pappu : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Teacher :No. Why do you ask that?
Pappu : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Pair of socks :
Teacher :What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
Pappu : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
Composition “My Dog” :
Teacher : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
Pappu : No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER :
Teacher :What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pappu : A teacher
World's smallest resignation letter :
Dear Sir,
I Love your Wife.
thank you.
